I'm sure I don't need to tell you that it seems we spend the majority of our precious sleep time trudging to and fro the bathroom instead of resting and recharging our batteries flat out in our comfy pits.
I'm also certain that I can't be alone in thinking that if I was single, without the doubtless torrent of abuse I would undoubtedly incur from ones better half, that I'd probably sleep nearer to the window. Or at least have a suitable container under the bed!
In the wee hours (Ha!), on my way back from my third visit to the bathroom, I noticed that the space I'd been left to slip back into had somehow shrunk whilst I'd been away. Sharing a bed with someone doesn't strictly mean an equal share does it? A little like us offering to cut that last piece of cake into two slices whilst making the tea. It does tend to lean to one side more generously. I could have woke her and asked her to move I suppose but then.....well, then she'd be awake!
No, a far better option at 3.30am was to trudge out to the car with a few bits and spend dawn by the lake with a few friends. To watch and hear the world come awake and be gone before the crescendo.
I took myself round to the far side armed with a few mixers in my pocket and plonked myself down on a wooden bench to survey my surroundings. I fed a few free offerings and poured a first cup of tea while I waited.
A few noises rustling in the hedgerow, and that collared dove high in the ash sounding like a repetitious kazoo. A few audible splashes from thousands of small fish dimpling the mirrored surface playing with a mixer far too large for them. Resembling a bygone memory of fifty kids in a playground all chasing around after the same ball.
Half way down my flask, a few sightings of humped backs forming slick arches steadily getting nearer to my hidden spot. And finally that tell tale shcluuurp! Time to cast my baited trap and duel with these monsters of the deep. I say duel but more realistically it's Russian roulette because you only get one shot at this.
There was a swelling in the water beneath my mixer then a deep trough which seemed to leave a concave dimple in the surface. Not just monsters at work here but Archimedes was doing his bit too.
In a sudden movement the line cut a scar across the lake revealing both opponents location at either end. A strike from one end and nothing but a bow wave left at the other. I'd had my shot...and missed.
I said 'oh bother' or words to that effect startling a linnet who shot off like a scolded cat. I took a deep lung full of air and breathed in a pleasant aroma of the wild sweet peas in front of me and took refuge with my flask back on the seat. I don't like to leave a pool with bad feeling rather like not going to bed on an argument and waited til calm was once again restored. You win some...
A rustling of a padlock and chain on the gate sounded an end to my solitude and I gathered my things and took a stroll back to the car. It was lovely to spend a few hours of dawn on an impromptu visit. And quite befitting then, that it should end with a call of nature. My grandson Alex calls it a 'tree wee' when he's out and about with me. Maybe that's it, it's what I'll get for the bedroom...a small potted shrub!